


S.S. Why, Now Boarding

by Yalbi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, Multi, Rare Pairings, alternate title: Yamato Hooks up with Everyone, i feel like apologies are in order, so much crack i'm practically a drug dealer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yalbi/pseuds/Yalbi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>19 crack ships and rare pairs for your viewing pleasure.*</p><p>*Pleasure not guaranteed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	S.S. Why, Now Boarding

**Sakura/Ayame – Treat  
** Sakura's always a little irritated whenever Naruto drags her out to Ichiraku for a bowl of ramen she doesn't want, but she can never bring herself to complain when she sees the shopowner's daughter.

 **Temari/Tenten – Tie  
** Temari pins her down and takes her mouth with hers, forcing her tongue through her lips and pressing her body down, and Tenten thinks that this is infinitely better than the rematch she'd had planned.

 **Tobirama/Minato – Sportsmanship  
** “Let's see who's faster,” Tobirama says with a smirk, and it's a contest Minato is only too happy to lose.

 **Yamato/Asuma – Rumor Has It  
** “So that's Asuma-san,” Yamato says mostly to himself. They're closing in on Konoha's AN gate now, and if he were to turn around—which he wouldn't mind doing—he'd still be able to make out the figure of the Third Hokage's son among his former students.

“Oh, yeah, I guess you never would've met him before,” Naruto says as Yamato professionally keeps his gaze trained ahead. “He's the leader of Team 10, and he's a really good sensei. He kinda always smells like smoke, though, but he's super cool.”

Most of this is information Yamato would have learned from a report or from the five short seconds he'd spent standing next to him, and his attention begins to wander until Sakura says rather slyly, “And he's going to make a really great father.”

The rest of Team 7 looks at her. “Why?” Sai, who'd been quiet until then, asks. “Is Asuma-san pregnant?”

“What? No,” Sakura says. “How does that even—no. I mean, he and Kurenai-sensei have been pretty close recently, you know?” She nudges a bewildered Naruto with an elbow. “Maybe they have something going on there.”

“Wait, are you serious?” Naruto exclaims.

“Are _you_ serious?” Sakura shoots back. “It's obvious to _everyone_ that Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei are dating, or at least the very least into each other!”

Yamato finally lets himself glance back, but Asuma is no longer there. “Is it?” he says, and he hopes he sounds like he's interested in gossip instead of disappointed.

 **Naruto/Kaguya – Sidetracked  
** “Um… Mother,” Black Zetsu says, shifting uncomfortably. “Don't you have a world to dominate? Chakra to repossess? An evil plan to complete?”

“Later, later,” Kaguya says, giving him a dismissive wave from her throne of Naruto's sexy man clones, and she giggles and blushes furiously as one of them hands her a rose.

 **Gai/Sai – Catchphrase  
** “What exactly is the Springtime of Youth?” Sai asks, analyzing the birthday card Gai had given him—or rather THE TEAMMATE OF MY ETERNAL RIVAL!, according to the greeting inside.

Sakura grins and shrugs. “No one actually knows,” she says, “but I'd guess that it would mean different things to different people. What would it mean to you, Sai?”

“I'm not sure,” Sai says after a moment's thought, and he looks back at the card with a faint smile. “But I think I like it.”

 **Yamato/Tobirama – Warnings Apply?, Take One  
** The last thing Tobirama had said before kissing him had been, “This doesn't count as incest,” and the last thing Yamato had thought before feeling his lips on his had been, _Oh, god, I really hope it doesn't_.

 **Yamato/Tsunade – Warnings Apply?, Take Two  
** “This doesn't count as incest,” Tsunade says as she leans in, and Yamato vaguely thinks, _I feel like_ _this_ _has_ _already happen_ _ed_ _,_ before getting caught up in her kiss.

 **Anko/Karin – Kink  
** “You're insane,” Anko deadpans to Karin, but then she grins suggestively and leans in close, close, close. “I like that.”

 **Sasuke/Gaara – Friendship Is Magic  
** Sasuke kisses Gaara more often than he'll admit, because it's the only way to keep him from retelling his story of friendship with Naruto. Of course, this means Gaara will retell his story of friendship with Naruto any chance he gets.

 **Sai/Lee – Art  
** There's something beautiful in Sai's power, something ethereal in the way his brush dips onto the scroll and curves long, dark arcs over white paper, and Lee thinks that, even if their lives didn't depend on it, he'd still defend it as long as he's able to.

 **Kakashi/Yugao – In the Middle of Grieving  
** Kakashi's lying naked under the sheets, his arms around Yugao and her bare back against his front, and all he can say is a small, almost whispered, “I'm sorry.”

 **Yamato/Killer B – Talent  
** Yamato will never quite understand the man's rapping, but he's got to say that B is very skilled with his mouth nevertheless.

 **Minato/Fugaku – Compromise  
** “This isn't quite what I'd meant when I said _negotiations_ ,” Minato says, turning over to face Fugaku. “I'd expected more… tables. And complicated inter-clan politics.”

“No,” Fugaku says with a rare grin, “but I think this meets the demands of both parties far more satisfactorily.”

Minato is inclined to agree.

 **Kakashi/Shikamaru – Gift  
** Shikamaru stares at the shelves in front of him, eyes lightly scanning the books carefully packed together. “Hey,” he calls out, forcing himself to make uncomfortable eye contact with the shopkeeper. “What would be good for someone with, um, extensive reading experience?”

“I'd guess they'd want something that's niche and specific,” the shopkeeper says, humming in thought. “Personally, I'd go with the _Tied up by Kraken Pirates on the High Seas_ series. It caters to a very particular audience.”

“Er, thanks,” Shikamaru says, and he turns away to pluck the first book off a shelf and sighs. Next year, he'll get Kakashi something far less troublesome.

 **Yamato/Naruto – Mission Objective  
** “Just look after him,” Kakashi had said, but Yamato doubts, when he wakes up next to a resting Naruto, that this is what he had meant.

 **Darui/C – The Alphabet, Kumogakure Style  
** “You know,” C says one day, “since Raikage-sama is A, and his brother is B, and I'm C…”

“Don't,” Darui grumbles.

“… and your name is Darui…”

“ _No_.”

“… wouldn't that make you the D?” C says anyway, grinning.

Darui stares at him. “If you say anything like that again,” he says, “you're not gonna get any D.”

C decides it's not worth it and sits quietly the rest of the day.

 **Yamato/Iruka – Nudge Nudge Wink Wink  
** Yamato and Iruka may have bonded over Kakashi's antics, but the bonds the Mokuton can make are an entirely different kind of bond altogether.

 **Naruto/Omoi –**   **オモイの** **重い思い** **  
** “I want to apologize to you about Karui,” Omoi says. “But what if you take it the wrong way? Maybe you'd think I'm trying to make a move on you, which would be completely counterproductive to what I'm trying to say. Or maybe you'd like it instead and take it as an invitation to ask me out. Then we would go on a date, we'd fall in love at the end of the night, and after six months of going steady you'd propose to me and we'd have a private ceremony on the beach, and then we'd buy a house at the edge of Kumogakure and raise three adopted children all named after food and once all the children move out to go to ninja college—”

“Yeah, no, that's not gonna happen,” Naruto quickly cuts in. "But, uh, thanks. I guess."

**Author's Note:**

> Other ships I'd considered writing but didn't:  
> 1\. Sai/Gaara  
> 2\. B/Teuchi  
> 3\. Probably something involving Madara  
> 3\. Yamato/Minato (which is a lie; I totally did)


End file.
